It's a funny old thing, the V-day thing, eh? I've always thought it was a load of bollocks myself, a "hallmark holiday" as they say, invented by an American greeting card company in order to sell greeting cards.
Doesn't ever seem to have mattered how eloquently I explain this to women, though - I always get in trouble if I don't make an effort. No amount of reasoning can buy me an exemption, either. I even said to someone, once, "if you believe in Valentine's Day so bad, why don't you send me flowers" - my argument being the very reasonable one that I wouldn't, for example, expect her to take me to a one-day cricket game, so that I could try to convince her how great cricket is. You can imagine how well that went down - I might as well have announced myself as a holocaust-denier, or some other comparable contemporary reprobatish-type.
Of course, you can't even get away with playing lip-service to the tradition; you can't be self-conscious and/or sarcastic and/or even ironic. Any hint that you're not 100% sincere and you might as well be confessing to a multitude of infidelities, such is the depth and manner of shit you'll find yourself in.
So, I suck it in, man-up, and play the game.
Does that make me weak?
I think it does.
Fun Things to Do For Valentines Day
1. Hang around in a florist's, pretending to be an awkward, shy man who's waiting for everyone else to leave the shop so you can order flowers to be delivered to your wife/gf/whatever with the minimum of embarrassment, while secretly laughing at the awkward, shy men who are waiting for you to leave the shop so they can order flowers to be delivered to their wife/gf/whatever with the minimum of embarrassment.
2. When filling in the card to be delivered to your wife/gf/whatever with the flowers, hum and hah and suck on the pen and look pained, and ask "What do you think I should write?". Wait for the expressions of pity and scorn.
3. Compose some utterly appalling poetry, write it in a card, and have it delivered to your wife/gf/whatever with the flowers.
4. Compose some utterly appalling poetry, write it in a card, and have it delivered to your wife/gf/whatever without any flowers.
5. Send ugly flowers. (Yes, they do exist.)
6. Send flowers that smell bad (Yes, they exist as well.)
7. Send a huge bunch of flowers anonymously to the woman that works next to your wife/gf/whatever.
8. Expect that since you dropped $80 on having a huge bunch of flowers delivered to your wife/gf/whatever, you'll get laid.
9. Expect that since you dropped $80 on having a huge bunch of flowers delivered to your wife/gf/whatever, you'll at least get a hand-job.
10. Swear that you'll never observe the ritual of St. Valentine's Day again. (Hah. It'll never happen.) (I'm serious.)
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