Mad Mel

Frustrating news for fans waiting for pick-up shooting and post-production on Mel Gibson's new big-budget biopic "The Passion of Saddam" to be completed.

Meanwhile, Gibson's publicist yesterday denied that there was any truth in the stories currently circulating Hollywood that the feted Oscar-winning actor and director is "bat-shit crazy".

"Mel just needs a holiday, a couple of Xanax", Hiram P. Assgobbler is quoted as saying, "and to stop talkin' it up for tha ladies. This latest project has really taken it out of him."

In other news, rumours are flying that Mel Gibson's father has been inducted into a secretive Australian neo-Nazi organisation. But from the Gibson camp: "that's just fucken bullshit, mate".

...

Phew. This fact-checking and reporting lark is exhausting. Time for a nice game of Rock, Paper, Saddam, I think.

Rock, Paper, Saddam (442 KB Powerpoint presentation: right-click and Save As to download)

(thanks, Dave).

Friday farce: Pablo Picasso

Jonathan Richman's original, performed by The Modern Lovers on their seminal 1973/76 self-titled album, is a classic of pre-punk sneer and ironic self-deprecation. John Cale, who was the producer of the Modern Lovers album, himself covered it in some style on his wonderful Helen of Troy record. The song was featured in the cult movie Repo Man, there performed (heh) sensationally by obscure LA punk outfit Burning Sensations. It has also been done in fine style by oddball British new wavers Television Personalities.

Read 'em and weep: Well the girls would turn the color of an avocado / When he would drive down their street in his El Dorado / He could walk down the street and girls could not resist his stare / Pablo Picasso never got called an asshole...... Not like you

And now David Bowie has come along and ruined it for everyone.

David Bowie - Pablo Picasso [from Reality] (3.75 MB mp3: right-click and Save As to download)

Yep. For some reason, he wasn't content with the "avocado" lyric, and had to insert a "juicy" in there. As in "the girls would turn the colour of a juicy avocado". (Whatever the fuck that means, considering avocadoes are 100% devoid of juice.)

Not like you, mate.

...

Isn't describing something as "seminal" a funny old thing to do. Hmmm.

More beer

Talking about beer, the Tuatara Pilsner on tap at Bodega is superb this week. I say this week because as we all know, some of the Tuatara stuff is notoriously variable in consistency. But yeah, the stuff we were drinking last night was dangerously quaffable. I actually remarked at some point that it tasted like a half-decent sauvignon blanc.

It didn't mix at all well with the Coopers Stout I had been drinking up to that point, though, and I reeeeally should have known better.

I also had the worst Martini I've ever had last night at Mini Bar, but that's another story. So too is the reason I had a second one.

...

Had a couple of Coopers Sparkling Ales at San Francisco Bath House last night too, where I witnessed the strangest thing. Before opening the bottle, the barman laid it on its side and rolled it up and down the bar for a few seconds. Who'd have thunk that that would be an effective way of combatting the characteristic sediment that is found in a bottle of Coopers Ale.

Nasty little tipple it is, too, with its oh-so-moreish fruityness and positively deceitful 5.8% a.b.v.

...

The sediment must have affected me more than I realised, because in my dream last night, I invented a bar/bench-top device for serving Coopers Ale and other sediment-ridden drinks. It involved a centrifuge-chamber, some muslin-cloth, and a new revolutionary design one-way ladle. The patent is, as they say, pending.

Beer

So I was hunkered down with the boys at The Adelaide the other night, sippin' on a brew.. watching the footy.. listening to the bands.. and thinking "so.. what is it with this Oranjeboom muck, then eh?".

I mean, despite being rated as a "premium lager", and being described as.. uh.. "lamb dressed up as mutton" it never was particularly good to start with, even when it was imported by the case from Holland. But it was ok. They're now selling it on tap at all the cheap undergraduate dives now, and they certainly wouldn't be doing that if it was still imported; it turns out that good ol' Lion Nathan has got its hand on the license to brew it domestically. Or should that read, "ruin it" domestically. As one of my companions remarked, "it tastes like a yeast infection." (Read into that what you will.)

...

Yeah, so RealBear.co.nz is "the leading source for online beer industry information in New Zealand" and features "the latest beer news, beer events, listing of New Zealand's breweries, plus online beer forum." New Zealand Beer starts here, apparently.

...

As for The Adelaide, it's a good spot to do any/all of the above (bands, beer, footy). And the Brian Le Gros-era fitout is fantastic, and I hope they never see fit to change a thing. (photos to follow). Personally I'm super-fond of the super-comfy padded-leather bar-top.

Awesome.

Reprazentin'

Pumice on tour in the USA. (Images courtesy of The Last Visible Dog.)

July morning podcast

Jani Hellen has submitted another 'cast. It's lovely.. like a July morning in Finland, y'know?

linkage: Microtonal Piano Music

I'm not sure just how much of any of you, my readers, are interested in microtonal music; nor how many of you that are interested are not already aware of the Microtonal Music podcasts at Prent Rodgers's site. But, just in case you are, and aren't, here's the link:

An Exploration of the World Between the 1:1 and the 2:1

My particular favourite is the Microtonal Solo Piano Music podcast from a few months back. Featured are four piano works, all performed and with commentary by Prent.

Microtonal Solo Piano Music podcast (17 MB mp3; right-click and Save As to download)

Friday farce: Fairytale Of New York

Love it or hate it (and lately I'm still tending towards the latter), The Pogues' Fairytale of New York is still the only "seasonal" song I can hear these days that doesn't make me want to kill people. And only just, at that.

I guess it seemed only natural (wha?) for Ronan Keating, formerly of Boyzone, to cover the song. He is aided and abetted on this debacle by Maire "Moya" Brennan, out of Enya, who sings the female part in the duo.

Ronan Keating - Fairytale Of New York (feat. Maire Brennan) (4.16 MB mp3: right-click and Save As to download)

I really didn't want to spoil the surprise, but I can't resist: witness the politically-correct alteration of the second line of the original couplet "you scumbag, you maggot / you cheap lousy faggot" to "you're cheap and you're haggard". And weep.

PS. Please stop emailing me to ask if Duncan Bruce is single.

Caravan

Duncan Bruce is a treasure.

Lessee.. he records under and/or goes by a bewildering array of monikers and pseudonyms: Pubes.. Khalil Rahmane & The Cats of Ulthar.. Duicide.. Farad Farad.. K. Rahmane.. Kin Rahmane.. Rizmane.. Rizman.. Rahmane.. Abnu.. and Dantor, to name a few. He has an encyclopaedic knowledge of jazz and modern music. He is virtually unknown in his own country, but loved - and legendary - in the rest of the world. He books gigs and doesn't turn up to play. He releases albums of shambolic weird retardo-exotica and noise on respectable underground imprints in Western Europe (Veglia). He has an ambigious relationship with publicity - about two incomprehensible Dutch-language 'net interviews (here, and here) he once remarked that "Anything beats getting mentioned in Real Groove or NZ Musician". He has one of the best Myspace pages ever (check out the 'friends', man). He's the coolest dad I know. Usual story, really.

He is also a friend, and so it is with great pleasure and pride that I present his wonderful "shambolic weird retardo-exotica" cover of Duke Ellington's classic tune Caravan, arranged for toy drums, cheap electronic-keyboard drum-presets, reeds, synthesizer, sheep, turntables, television sitcom, and cosmic space-death-ray sounds effects unit (that's actually mostly guesswork):

Khalil Rahmane & The Cats of Ulthar - Caravan (1.42 MB mp3: right-click and Save As to download)

Here's some more information about Caravan:

"Caravan" was written by pianist, bandleader, composer Edward Kennedy "Duke" Ellington (1899-1974), Juan Tizol (1900-1984), and Irving Mills (1894-1985).

"Caravan" was usually the second number played when the Ellington band performed. "Caravan" is considered by some to be the first real Latin jazz tune, although it owes as much to "Middle Eastern" melodies.

That was taken from this page, part of an online resource dedicated to exhaustively documenting known performances by Frank Zappa of cover versions of other people's songs. God bless the information box.

punk's not dead.. oh noooo

While I don't really agree with the actual message ("HOMO!"), I can't help feeling more than a little sympathy for the sentiment.

As The Exploited put it so eloquently in their classic tune "Punk's not dead", from the album of the same name (Secret Records, 1981):

Said so near the punk is dead
Here was you a modern tend.(of tendention)
Don't let it losing don't any worse
and all cruise up tha the punk is dead

Punk's not dead i know [x4]

We're all punks and we don't care
That was price to do out here
Blow the trapist in your face
with about tone of noise

It acsros to any law
Have no fear 'till the day I die
We all here use just to walk around
Don't like I'll hitchu to the ground

Yup. (Lyrics courtesy of the.. uh.. interweb). Actually in my opinon, and as TimothyFarrell22 of Massachusetts concurs in this Amazon CD review, it was bands like The Exploited who killed punk with their moronic attitudes and the appalling, laughable throwback-to-NWOBHM (Wiki) sound that they developed in the mid-to-late 80s; oh, the Irony. The deep, dark, dank Irony.

There's been a bit of advert/poster-jamming going on around the place of late; hopefully I'll be able to capture some more of the more-interesting and less-reactionary ones for y'all.

Cold

Helpful hints for cold people (things our mothers never told us):
1. Stay dry. Wet clothes are never gonna be warm, unless you happen to be inside a tumble-dryer, or hypothermic. In the case of the latter, you may want to consider going straight to #4.

2. Wear warm clothes - a no-brainer, to be sure, but you'd be amazed how many people wearing only a shirt or blouse on their upper-body complain about being cold. Wearing many layers creates an insulating effect. Wear structurally complex (wool) or space-age (polypropolene) fabrics, which also support and encourage insulation.

Still cold? Then read on...

3. Most of your body heat escapes from your extremities - your head, your hands, your feet. In particular, the masses of blood vessels near the skin in your head makes for a superb blood-cooling system - particularly unhelpful when you're cold. Wear a hat, scarf, gloves, and thick socks (or two pairs - see above re. layers and insulation).

If you're wearing a hat, scarf, gloves and good socks, and you're still cold after 15 minutes, there's something wrong with you. You may want to..

4. See a doctor. Doctors are qualified, experienced medical professionals who are well-qualified to diagnose hypothermia, and other terminally cold conditions; possibly equally as importantly, they are good at spotting temperature-related malingering, or "whinging" as it is commonly known. They will also likely have a supply of blankets - not to be underestimated, a good blanket - on hand which they can lend you. They also have the authority to order you to be rushed to hospital where your coldness will hopefully be fixed, one way or another, for good.

If you are in a hurry you can bypass the doctor, and rush yourself straight to hospital by ringing for an ambulance. Ambulance-men (also known as "paramedics") will also be well-endowed with supplies of blankets; if you're lucky they may even have those hi-tech silvery tinfoil-like blanket things which are even better, and have the added advantage, when you've got one wrapped around you, of making you appear like a piece of space-junk.

Good luck.

the world is hanging in a web of exquisite possibility*

i met the spider of exquisite possibility once. i said "ha ha ha so many legs". and it said "too right. all 186,000 of them. you wanna try shopping for shoes for these babies sometime." "no thanks" said I, half laughing. then it just kinda sniffed, turned sideways and vanished into the 4th dimension.

*niwi

Podcasts

Two new podcasts:

1. "No retreat, no surrender" podcast by seht.
2. Syd Barrett tribute podcast by Jani Hellen.

Enjoy..

World Cup Death Watch

Awesome fun. Also here.

Best quote:

Even though I am Italian, after that headbutt, I think France actually won the game. I'm sorry to admit that I am a fan of headbutts more than soccer, and that was a beautifully executed headbutt.

Cats that look like Hitler

Yep, even better than Stuff On My Cat.. I give you: Cats that look like Hitler.

This guy (right) is easily the best, but there sure are a hell of a lot of cats that look like Hitler.

Suit

Things we love to hate #1
Dorky metrosexuals wearing high 4-button suit jackets and getting the 3/2 button rule so so wrong. You doan look good with that thing buttoned up by your collarbone, dork. Unless you're David Tennant/Dr. Who, apparently, who seems to be able to get away with that AND having the bottom two buttons undone as well.

Must be the "geek-chic".

(image courtesy BBC News).

Over hang party

Dear god almighty. 3 people. 8 bottles of red wine. Codeine. Several classic rock LPs, including Deep Purple In Rock, Black Sabbath Paranoid, and Motorhead No Remorse. All-in wrestling. You do the math.

Over Hang Party - Now come out (the naked existence) (right-click and Save As to download)

Good track. Now come out (the naked existence) is "model for Overhang Party's minimal rock". Tokyo Flashback Vol. 2 is a pretty good album, too. Great, in fact. So's the whole series (we're up to Vol. 5 by now).

"Incredible, 11 Groups from Tokyo". Indeed.